Not Ready To Make Nice

Last night, I had a fight with my dad. It's one of the many that we have had, and I know it won't be the last - I am actually looking forward to more fights that we will be having in the future.

I just have to say that I DO NOT really like my dad. I never grew up with a dad, or at least it did not feel like I had a dad. He was there to put me through school and for almost all the material things that I needed, but other than that, he was a big void in my life.

My dad never bought me a bike, he never taught me how to ride one. My dad never took me in one of those father and son trips where all you do is spend the day with each other and bond. My dad promised me A LOT of things and NONE of which were fulfilled. I guess promises are meant to be broken after all. To say the least, I was very disappointed. One would think that he would do right by me consideringthe fact that he pretty much experienced the same thing when he was growing up.

I could go on and rant about my dad and what he did to me, but I won't. I guess all that I am trying to say is that I am not ready to make nice...and I don't think that I ever will. So, I guess this Dixie Chicks song is for my dad...

Moving On

Honestly, I wanted to name this entry, "It ain't over 'til it's over".

Why? It's because Jonathan and I are talking again. However, I just realized that no matter how much I pursue this, or work on the relationship, it WILL NEVER WORK.

Jonathan just turned 17 and I will be turning 26 in about 2 weeks. Considering the age gap that we have, I know that we will never see eye to eye in a lot of things. When September rolls in, he will be back in HIGH SCHOOL and I will be working. In school, he will be with a lot of guys that he would most likely find more attractive than I am...and the most important thing is that they would be around his age. I understand that Jonathan still has A LOT of growing up to do. He also has a lot of things to learn and experience. I am not sure that I am ready to go back into my teen years and experience the same stuff AGAIN. As much as I would like to take this journey with him, I know deep inside that he has to wander and fly by himself and grow up. It's SAD, I know. The least that I can do is hope that someday, somewhere, our paths would cross again and hopefully that time, we will be given the chance to be together.

Like what I have told Jonathan before, once that I like someone, I will always have a special place in my heart for them...that is until they give me a reason to hate them. Nonetheless, I will really miss Jonathan...I will miss the late night talks, the flirting, the laughs, and most especially, the way that he made me feel.

I wish that I didn't fall too fast, but I guess that's just the way that I am. Until my broken heart is fully mended, I will just be singing the song below. Click on it if you want to hear my theme song for the next couple of weeks.

Well, now that I am done (hopefully) blogging about my whirlwind of a summer romance, I will continue blogging about the updates that I owe all of you.

PART OF THAT WORLD

i was having a conversation with my friend the other day and he asked me what i wanted to do with my life. so, i told him that i wanted to be an artista. he then told me, ako na ang magsasabi sa'yo na wala kang K mag-showbiz (translation: i am telling you, you have no right to belong in showbiz). i have to admit that i was a bit hurt, offended even. i mean, do i have no right to dream anymore. i didn't want to solicit neither a fight nor an argument so i just kept to myself (which by the way was very hard for me 'coz i am a member of the debate team). anyways, so just to release some anger and to have some form of response i made a video clip.

okay, i know that i have REALLY set myself up by posting this video, but i am a big boy now and i can take the criticism. well, i made the video response just 'coz i wanted to have my own video to upload on youtube. forgive the video quality as i took the video using my N91 in my room with the lights off.

i may not belong to philippine showbiz, but i guess i can create my own showbiz realm within my blog.

PROUD OF YOUR BOY

i just wanted to share my favorite song of all time. i have loved this song since i accidentally downloaded it through iMesh. i just love the lyrics of the song. the video features clay aiken (from american idol season 2) singing the song, PROUD OF YOUR BOY. this song was deleted from aladdin due to the changes that were made in the story. however, it is still a great song. please watch the video below and listen to the lyricsof the song and you'll see why i LOVE this song.



to my MOM and DAD: one day you'll see...i'll make you proud of your boy!

for all those who don't like clay aiken, you can go on youtube and pick the video that you want with the same song. trust me, they used this song to dub pretty much with every disney movie.